In my opinion no two stories are the same, they may sound similar but the paths and roads traveled are different in most cases. the seeds that were planted long ago has impacted my life in so many ways. Some good some bad. my vision was clear but the pain still shows. I'm a very forgiving person and I believe and believe we should all forgive for ourselves. I myself have a hunger to be liked and loved. I never felt the love from my mom and still don't. it's not an excuses I use. it's a reality. How can anybody throw that in my face. I'm hurting for that and my adult life has been based on the need to feel loved and wanted. I'm sure this creates issues for everyone involved. No self esteem plays apart. it's very hard for me to put my foot down and not care about what people think of me. I never had that growing up. I know I'm not the only one, but it's about me and my mind. So I really need to feel loved and needed. I was made fun of in school, so that didn't help. I try not to think of bad stuff that transpired in my life and learn from it and I did, but when the past comes in and returns to your current life feelings arise.
When I meet Dawn, my thoughts were she was out of my league and at the moment in my life all I had was me and my 2 children. I visited her for like 2 years. I had a relationship with her in my mind, not hers. towards the end of the 2 years. She had just bought a house with her boyfriend and was in college. I was also married so that was a factor for her and I guess my signs were not clear.
To go back in time my decision were clouded and myself worth played factors. I was broke and not much to offer. I felt I had to give her a life that she had and wanted. For her to love me. I went all in again in my life. it seems to have failed in someone's eyes. This is a 15 year road that has 1000's of stories and decision. I don't think the past should haunt on a daily bases. But it does. I always try and be positive in life and always get up. but the reality is sometimes your surroundings can't let you. overcome bad decisions. I'm afraid to do anything anymore of fear of making the wrong decision. I second guess everything and everything not to make a mistake. I feel I can't even say anything anymore because my thoughts are stupid and my opinion means nothing.
My business has been crazy for many years now. I try and stay afloat, but only to be criticized on my lack of I'm not doing enough. It's been a struggle for some time now, and shows in so many ways. I'm just reminded of all wrong I did, and nothing good. ( sorry mind is spinning hope I'm making sense and I know I'm jumping around little.)
See I want change and be happy in life and my family to be happy. There are allot of things that need to be done and eager to do so. When there is no communication it's extremely difficult. I feel shut down and know it's not going to help, but I feel there’s know gratitude for what we accomplished. all bad and know good. it kills me and stops me from fixing stuff when it's too different worlds. My business is all on me. as she says it's easy I'm just lazy. Really? she was no idea because my best way is to keep it quite so I don't hear I'm a failure again. I want to give her and the kids what they want and I let my business come second. pay the lot rent or fix my truck or pay my bills on time comes second. I always managed to pull it off. but the last 3 years have been very bad. I'm now months behind on my lot rent and don't even know if I still have truck insurance. I'm like 10k in debt with 2 important things I need to run my business lot and insurance not to mention my truck is not new and in need of repair, so getting more contracts is questionable because of my current situation. I sold off stuff through the years to make ends meet with the business. I take responsibility for what transpired but can't let it kill me. I have a big decision to make and it's on my lap, and her opinion on it is one way of thinking. I'm a loser.
I always wanted a happy family I never had and I put the money towards that. I won't say it was a mistake but there should of been better communication. I like the business and the free time for being around the kids. It was a gift that was awesome but it came with consequences. I just feel the stress of the business is too much and I need a miracle to continue.
My purpose of a relationship. loving, caring , sharing , talking (communication), understanding, giving yourself with no strings attached, dreams, plans, motivation, listening, learning from mistakes put them first even when you need it yourself , being a team for the family, respect, setting a strong foundation for the family, trust, kindness, listening to one another, compassion.
Coach client: Rich S.
AFTER ONE COACHING SESSION WITH JEFF NEWMAN
Thank you for the time today. Today is the first day of my new outlook on me, I must and will love and respect myself, I will not torture myself any longer. I am the only person that will take care of me. I will no longer say "TRUST ME" I believe in myself and what I represent honesty and integrity and the ability to learn new things. I will make a change for me and keep my vision on my mission to overcome my weaknesses. I will face my challenges with passion and commitment and dedication. I am strong and have powerful thoughts on life and don't fear failure, failure will not stop me from opening new doors and learning. Everyone has opinions but they are like "aholes" we all have one, like me or hate me I am still going to be me, the new me. It will be different and that's OK because I am currently not being me. I have allowed darkness to bring me to dark places and bring me to all-time lows. While how dark it's been looking I still always see the greatness in reach, it's in my blood. I will be making some pretty big decisions on business and life. Even the the past was dark I am grateful for the learning experiences. Like you said I wouldn't be who I am today without it. Failure is not as dark as so many people believe it to be, like you said these companies are now looking for people who failed and kept going and kept trying, showing that you don't get knocked down and stay down, showing power and not weakness and having a creative mind. I think we are on the same page with my business and will reach out to a couple of opens.
Thanks Again Jeff,